After reading UVM’s last blog post about the assistance they gave Dartmouth with their equipment in the mass start, I was initially heartened to hear of such kindness and generosity. In a sport where we all work so hard to fight for every last edge, it was nice to see that people are still willing to help each other out in times of desperate need.

Since then, though, my heart has hardened. Now, I’ve decided that skiing–and the Eastern Intercollegiate Skiing Association in particular–needs more drama, anger, controversy. Thus, this blog post is dedicated to sowing discontent and bitterness among the EISA’s teams and skiers. I have decided that the best way to accomplish this is to insult each and every team (I’m an equal-opportunity trash-talker). So, in reverse alphabetical order (because the Bates insult is the best, and I want to save it for last), here goes:

Williams College: Your endowment is even more screwed than Bowdoin’s is (yes, I know it’s a whole lot bigger–that’s why it’s okay for me to say this).

UVM: Your coaches’ and athletes’ actions in Saturday’s mass start further support the hypothesis that your school is filled with peace-loving, pot-smoking hippies.

UNH: You are impolite (see my previous post).

St. Michael’s: Purple is the color of sexual frustration.

St. Lawrence: You guys are all earth-destroyers and climate changers, given the massive amounts of driving that you must do to reach any carnival besides your own.

Middlebury: Also hippies, although perhaps with less marijuana and more climate activism. With UVM, you guys could make a great team.

Harvard: Your school let in Ollie Burruss–I think that says enough about you.

Dartmouth: You’re big bullies. Why don’t you let someone else win for a change? Also: Fartmouth.

Colby: Our coach is younger and more attractive (his beard=dreamy [at least, so the Bowdoin girls tell me]).

Bates:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See you at UNH–hopefully you all will have forgotten about this by the next mass start!

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 1:44 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.