Northug to Enroll at Bowdoin, Join Nordic Ski Team

April 1st, 2008

BRUNSWICK, ME–In a surprising development, Bowdoin College President Barry Mills announced today that Norwegian superstar Petter Northug Jr. will be enrolling at the College starting next year.

“After seeing the unfair advantages of the Western schools at NCAA’s with their imported talent, I decided to do something about it,” Mills said. “Given that our college has an obscenely large endowment, I would like to apply it to something useful, for once.”

In order to entice Northug to Bowdoin, Mills said that the school had put together a $20,000,000 scholarship package, which also includes incentives for both academic and athletic performance. In addition, Mills said that the College will be purchasing Casio Eyewear for all students working in laboratories.

Northug will be allowed to race in the EISA circuit due to a rule known as the “Shepard exemption,” which allows old people to participate in NCAA competition if they have previously been on a national team.

In an interview, Northug said that he didn’t expect to have very much trouble with eastern collegiate skiers.

“In the Tour de Ski this year, I made Axel Teichmann my b—-. What makes you think that I’ll have any trouble with Dartmouth?” he said through a translator.

Northug added that he would be double majoring in gender and womens’ studies and art history at Bowdoin. With uncharacteristic humility, he also said that he was glad to have the opportunity to tap into the rich history of nordic skiing at the school.

“To have the chance to learn and ski at the same institution as the great Nat Herz–this is a true honor,” he said. “Nat is known far and wide in my native country as one of the hugest ballers, ever.”

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